How can you recover from harsh criticism?
The answer is simple: Confidence. Negative feedback doesn’t affect you if you feel certain about yourself and your actions.
No matter what anybody says to you, you’ll be able to continue on your path if you feel confident about who you are and what you do.
Since being resilient is about truly believing in yourself, this blog post will focus on how you can build your confidence. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
To Become Resilient to Criticism, You Must First Identify the Type of Criticism
There are many varieties of criticism. You may receive negative comments about your appearance or be judged for something you say.
What kind of criticism affects you the most? Use this list to identify your pain points:
1. Constructive Criticism
Constructive criticism is a well-respected approach for helping someone improve. Chances are that your parents, teachers, or coaches have used this on you in the past and that it didn’t affect you negatively.
It works by giving someone suggestions for improvement and drawing attention to how a problem could be solved.
This kind of feedback is often used in the form of a feedback sandwich. Rather than handing out only harsh feedback, the person using this method will start by giving positive feedback about the situation (e.g., “I appreciate your hard work.”), follow up with the point they’re trying to bring across, which is usually negative feedback, (e.g., “You’re not working enough hours and we’d like you to work more. “), and then end on more positive feedback (e.g., “I see a lot of potential in you.”).
By layering negative criticism between two positive pieces of feedback, the person on the receiving end is less likely to be affected emotionally. Though it may be a good approach in the short term, a 2014 study shows that it affects performance at the workplace negatively in the long run.1
2. Destructive Criticism
Most of the painful judgements you’ve experienced in the past likely took the form of destructive criticism.
This specific feedback serves no useful purpose and is used with the intention to harm someone. It carries no useful information and is meant to ridicule, cause damage, destroy, and bring you down.
People who hand out a lot of destructive criticism usually want to prove a point they feel strongly about. This is often observed in a workplace where there are differences in age and experience.
Someone who has been refining their craft for many decades but has little people skills will hand out strong feedback to new and inexperienced employees.
If you have to deal with this type of feedback a lot—whether it be at your workplace, school, or elsewhere—you’ll benefit from reading this article I wrote on dealing with harsh judgement. It shows how you can remain positive in the face of criticism.
3. Aesthetic Criticism
Aesthetic criticism is a form of criticism concerned with someone’s looks. It might be about the clothes you’re wearing or your genetic makeup.
Though it can be honest criticism (e.g., “You have lipstick on your teeth.”), it often arouses negative emotions and leads to no positive outcome. It some cases, aesthetic criticism can be verbal abuse and affect a relationship negatively.
Those who criticize others for their looks often have a low sense of self-respect. These people are looking for an outlet for their insecurities and reflect negativity on their peers.
The next time you receive such feedback, ask yourself, “How well does that person know me? And is it possible that they’re struggling with the same idea they’re criticizing me for?”
4. Logical Criticism
Logical criticism is concerned with an idea, argument, or action that does not make rational sense. It’s often used in debates and discussions that aim to get to the bottom of something.
It’s important to not take logical criticism to heart because the other party is typically trying to solve a problem with you. They’re not interested in bringing you down, but in finding a solution that both of you can agree on.
When no agreement can be made, you’ll often here people say something along the lines of, “I agree to disagree.” It means that the two parties cease to argue about something because neither one will compromise or be persuaded.
5. Public Criticism
Being criticized for something publicly can cause you to feel embarrassed and angry toward the person humiliating you.
Such incidents can take on many different shapes and forms. Perhaps your boss criticizes you in the midst of a meeting. Or perhaps one of your friends is giving you a hard time in front of other people.
Though there can be many reasons for this behavior, it typically comes down to the person’s mental state. If the person criticizing you has had a bad day or feels stressed about something, it’s possible that they’re using public criticism as an outlet for their emotional state.
6. Self-Criticism
This type of criticism is the most common one. We all have an inner voice that judges us for negative behaviors, thoughts, and emotions.
Our inner critic can cause us to feel poorly about ourselves, and lead to mental health problems in some cases.
When you find that you’re criticizing yourself, pay attention to the language you’re using. What names are you calling yourself? Are you using strong language that would be offensive if you were having a conversation with somebody else?
One of the most effective ways to reduce self-criticism is to do the exact opposite: Practice self-love and compliment yourself. More on that in the next section.
Use Positive Language to Become Resilient to Criticism
Once you have determined what kind of criticism affects you the most, it’s time to get to work.
One of the most effectives ways to recover from verbal and emotional abuse is to talk to yourself positively immediately after you’ve identified it.
It works by simply stating the opposite of what you were criticized for. Let’s look at an example.
Let’s say you’re taking a test in high school and your teacher notices you struggling. Your teacher then walks over, and comments on your struggle in front of the entire class by saying, “You overcomplicate everything.”.
These words can be hurtful, especially if you studied hard for the test.
You can turn the situation around by telling yourself, “I’m good at tackling problems from different angles.” Similarly, you might also tell yourself, “I’m a creative person and a great thinker.”
By repeating supportive self-talk, you diminish the effect the criticism had on you.
Positive Self-Talk Boosts Your Confidence
Positive comments about yourself will also boost your confidence. Confident people are able to continue on their path despite what anybody says to them.
Confidence is the doorway to success in all areas of life. Whether you want to excel in your career, triple your income, create an amazing relationship, or just feel happy and satisfied with who you are, self-confidence is essential. In this inspiring and liberating book, Dr. Aziz slices through each obstacle on the path towards ever-increasing confidence.
A person who always tells themselves that they’re great will feel more certain about their abilities than a person who says they’re bad at everything they do. As Mark Twain said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
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